Emotional Intelligence - The Permission To Feel
Written By Kim Deschamps | October 26, 2022
As a society, we have not always done the best job of attending to our emotional intelligence. For some, it seems to come naturally that they are always in tune with what they feel. Others are at a distinct disadvantage when it comes to understanding the emotions they experience or that their loved ones experience. It can create a real barrier between you and the people you love if you cannot authentically share your emotions.
It’s a surprisingly powerful skill to gain control over your emotions by understanding and regulating them. It builds resilience, reduces anxiety, and provides a real sense of agency. You probably already know that your emotions are important and that they affect every aspect of your life. But to put it into perspective, here are 5 profound reasons WHY they matter:
Your Ability to Pay Attention: Are you able to focus on work after watching a disturbing report on the news? Probably not. When emotions run high, it becomes difficult to engage with the task at hand because the emotions themselves are drawing our focus.
Your Decision Making: Our emotions have a tremendous impact on the way we make decisions. The choices we make in times of crisis can be very different from what we choose in periods of calm. It’s important to recognize when we are acting based on how we feel rather than what we know.
Your Relationships: Not just with words, but with body language and facial expressions, our emotions and how we convey them can strengthen or weaken a relationship. You are either drawing others in by being approachable or pushing people away. It’s vital to consider the subtle signals you send out to the people around you.
Your Health: Physically and mentally, your emotions play a starring role in your overall well-being. Holding on to unhealthy feelings or processing them with negative behaviors will undoubtedly impact diet, exercise, mood, and the biological release of hormones that regulates our bodies.
Your performance and creativity: There’s a reason emotional intelligence has become a buzz word in the corporate world. It’s a skill that isn’t usually learned in school, but it provides a distinct edge in the workplace. By being able to relate to others and bounce back from setbacks, emotionally intelligent people truly stand out.
Now that you understand why your feelings matter so much, you can give yourself permission to feel them. We’ve talked before about how important it is to go all the way through an emotion. There’s never a right or a wrong way to feel, but the sooner you can identify the root cause, the sooner you’ll be able to process those emotions.
Dr. Marc Brackett, the Founder and Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, describes the RULER method for emotional intelligence as follows: Recognition of the emotion; Understanding the emotion by knowing the cause of the feeling; Labeling the emotion (are you disappointed, frustrated, angry, etc.?); Expressing those feelings to someone who will take the time to listen to you; and Regulation, getting to a point where our feeling don’t have power over us, so we can accept them and ultimately move past them.
Your emotions make up a huge part of your biopsychosocial self – i.e., what makes you – you. If learning how to recognize and regulate your emotions is on your to-do list, PhysioYoga + Lifestyle Medicine provided by Kim Deschamps can help.
Kim Deschamps
MPT, BKin, PYT, BDN