Finding Your Self-Care Routine: Do What Works For You
Written by Kim Deschamps | Apr 18, 2019
‘If you don’t take control over your time and life, other people will gobble it up.’ – Michelle Obama
Many of us are aware of how important it is to take care of our mental, physical and emotional well-being. We understand its importance so that we can feel in balance, in control, and in our optimal health and well-being. A question that I often ask my patients is “What does it mean to you to take care of yourself? What are you drawn to for self-care?” It is important to sit and reflect on this so that you don’t always find yourself in crisis mode. Your body, mind, and spirit will thank you if you adjust your approach to self-care. Make it a part of your daily routine. Be proactive; prevent burnout and chronic fatigue; live a life out of crisis mode.
This blog post will help you to explore what self-care means to you and what you are willing to implement immediately to help promote a healthy lifestyle. It is imperative to fill your cup first before tending to those around you- whether that be your family, your staff/co-workers, friends, clients/patients, and definitely before tackling the dreaded ‘to do list’.
Mind
Preventing burnout and chronic fatigue is a hot topic nowadays - and rightfully so! Often both are contributed to prolonged periods of unhealthy stress. Prevention is always better than a cure and identifying a few go-to stress management techniques before your stress levels spiral out of control is the best way of making sure they don’t. A mindfulness practice can be very beneficial in managing stress. Mindfulness is a form of meditation with benefits that include improving your focus and boosting your memory. It is a useful tool to calm the mind and organize your thoughts to better serve others in your day ahead. If you are like me and are juggling many roles, then you will definitely be drawn to carving out even ten minutes in your day to be still, silent, and find a sense of ease; to be calm. There can be a sense of guilt at times for taking even just 10 minutes to ourselves. We get caught up with the ‘shoulds’. I should be folding the laundry. I should be quickly vacuuming while the kids are asleep. I should probably check my emails and finish another thing off of the to do list. You deserve these ten minutes and it will also benefit the people around you. Taking a moment to reset makes doing the ‘shoulds’ much more productive and way less frantic.
Starting a mindfulness practice can seem daunting. How does one find time to do one more thing in a day? Well I can say with certainty that on the days where I don’t take care of my mind and calm my racing thoughts, those are the days that I feel very overwhelmed, overworked, and feel like I get nothing accomplished. If I were to take ten minutes to sit in silence, focus on my breath drawing in and out of my body and noticing the subtle sounds of the room I can refocus and prioritize my day. Like many people, I am notorious for juggling many projects and having too many things going on at once (ie. many web browsers, programs open at one time-jumping back and forth). This provokes anxiety in me, and I don’t feel productive at all. Meditation is truly my saving grace.
I find it strange how we live in a culture that glorifies being busy. It is like we place a stigma of self-worth around how busy we are. Wouldn’t it be great if we high fived and celebrated each other for answering the, ‘Hey how was your day today?’ with ‘You know it was great, I took time for myself today I only worked on a couple of things and I feel good about it’, instead of saying ‘Oh wow, it was so busy…I had to do this… and this…and I still have to do this…’ Subconsciously I feel like we list all of the things that we ‘had’ to do in a day to prove something. This may vary from person to person, but sometimes I find for myself anyways, that it places a sense of importance to mask the fear that I will be judged for not being busy- you know like I am not successful or something. Two famous quotes from my favourite author Brené Brown seem to fit perfectly for this conversation:
“Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be; embrace who you are.”
“Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough.”
Aren’t those super powerful!? Honestly this woman has been my saving grace. She has been my guide and words of wisdom over this past year with being courageous alongside some incredible vulnerability with expanding Holistic Physiotherapy & Wellness into a clinic location with now 5 integrative healthcare practitioners. If you haven’t heard of her, you have to check her out!
Okay, end of tangent, back to discussing mindfulness ;)
Now there are some beautiful mindfulness and meditation practices out there. Some can be ritualistic, spiritual, religious, and mystical. Find what works for you. Determine what makes you feel like you are filling your cup and reaching your soul. Do what feels right to you and your personal belief system. There are wonderful meditation apps out there that can be super helpful to start a meditation practice. These include Headspace, Calm, Insight Timer, Simple Habit Meditation, and so many more! If you feel like you would like to be guided through a meditation, these are great apps to experience. Mindfulness does not need to be that organized. You can simply take 2 minutes to just sit or lie still and breathe. Seriously, just focus on your breath…it truly calms your nervous system, rewires your nerve connections, and replenishes your system. Here’s how to incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine.
Mornings
When you first wake up in the morning, spend two minutes in bed with your eyes closed, simply focusing on the movement of your breath flowing in and out of your body. Whenever you feel your mind drifting towards distracting thoughts about the day ahead, bring your focus back to the sensation of your breath entering and leaving your body.
At work
Once you arrive at work, take a few minutes at your desk to do the same breathing exercise, to centre yourself before getting down to business. Close your office door to express a time for yourself to your coworkers/employees…this is your time and it should be respected. They will eventually learn your behaviours that when your door is closed you are busy in thought and completing a task that needs your attention. When your door is open this will invite and welcome interruption. Repeat as necessary throughout the day whenever you feel things getting a bit overwhelming. For those of you who do not have a personal office, it may be beneficial to take control of your breaks in your day to slip away from your working environment to find a moment of solitude. Perhaps get outside and walk around the block or maybe there is a coffee shop across the street that you love. Take the 5-15 mins to change your environment, breathe, and refocus. Find what works for you and do it. You deserve it.
Home time/End of work day
Before you leave work for the day. Allow yourself 2-5 minutes to close your day mentally and energetically speaking. Set a timer on your phone to avoid the feeling of ‘I’m going to be late picking up the kids’. Your kids will thank you for picking them up calmer and less frantic because you allowed your nervous system to chill out. The commute home in rush hour will also be much easier and less provoking of road rage. This is also a great time to focus on your breath… in the middle of a standstill in traffic, take a moment to breathe... perhaps don’t close your eyes though ;)
Bedtime
Once you’re tucked into bed, spend two minutes replicating your morning wake-up routine, but this time visualizing all of the thoughts and worries of the day melting away. This is the time that you get to extend gratitude and compassion to yourself. Reflect on all of the things you were able to complete today. Don’t dwell on the list of items you didn’t get to today. We truly are not super heroes who have the ability to stop time and make our days longer. I know that I will never complete everything on my to do list in a day. Once you learn to let that go, oh how the stress will melt away. Remind yourself that you are enough, you did enough, you are human.
Later in this blog I will dive into developing a bedtime routine to help with improving your sleep quality, reduce fatigue, and improve your energy.
Now don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to adopt these exercises all at once. Keep things manageable by picking one or two occasions where you think you’d benefit most from a greater sense of calm and start with those. The waking up/bedtime combo, practised from the comfort of your own bed is a good place to start. The exercises will soon become second nature and you can build up from there.
Body
Nutrition
Did you know that around 20 to 30 percent of your daily calorie intake is used to regulate your brain function? This means that if you’re not well fed, you’ll have trouble operating at full force. The key is of course establishing and maintaining a healthy whole food diet. It is important to connect with your healthcare team to review your health concerns, lifestyle, goals, medications, supplements, etc. to ensure you are on the right diet for you. The key to maintaining a healthy diet even when your life gets crazy busy is to plan ahead. When you are pressed for time, it’s far too easy to reach for unhealthy ready meals, or even skip meals altogether. This is for sure a daily practice for me. It is helpful to have an accountability partner in this area for sure! My husband is extremely helpful in this area. We work together to make sure we both choose healthy foods to fuel our body vs the nutrient lacking junk that for sure tastes good in the moment, but man do we pay for it later. Perhaps you can make it a personal goal to spend time on Sundays to grocery shop, plan meals, and prep healthy snacks to start your week off right.
Exercise
Making time for regular exercise is a key component to your self-care routine. The endorphin rush from a great workout can lift even the sourest of moods for many people. Ideally you should aim to work out around two to three times a week, and the key to making exercise a regular part of your everyday life is finding an activity you genuinely enjoy. This is a discussion that I have with my patients on day one. What is it that you truly enjoy doing for physical activity? What brings you joy and what sort of activities are you drawn to? I personally like to build ‘physio exercises’ into my patients current exercise programs. There is a higher adherence rate to actually doing your exercises if it is during a time that you have already dedicated into your already busy week. This can be a great time to self-reflect on what you actually enjoy doing for exercise. Just because you have friends or family that enjoy running, doesn’t necessarily mean that’ll work for you, so experiment until you find something that does—whether that’s a lung-busting cardio class, a chilled-out yoga session or something in between.
Working out doesn’t have to be expensive either—skip the pricey gym membership and try a free app or YouTube fitness channel. Our city has an excellent leisure guide with really affordable memberships and drop in exercise programs. Make it a social event! Grab your partner, friend, or family member and make it an outing. Try something new. For example, my husband and our friends recently tried out a group rowing and core class at the Crew Rowhouse! Something totally new and super fun. We arranged for babysitters and made it a social outing. We went out for supper afterwards and instantly started planning for the next group workout date night.
Sleep Routine
Getting enough sleep is vital for staying on top of your game and being your best self to serve others. The quality of sleep you get is just as important as the quantity. If either one of those is lacking, then your daytime energy and productivity levels will bear the brunt. Not to mention, your overall health is directly affected too! Try to set aside half an hour before bed to wind down with a book, or whatever it is that helps your brain slow down after a busy day. This is where a sleep/bedtime routine can be very helpful. Your wind-down period should also be a totally screen-free zone. This is because blue light immediately before bed significantly affects your sleep quality by preventing your body from releasing natural melatonin that helps you fall asleep. Be sure to put your phone on silent before you go to bed. Leave your phone outside of your bedroom along with your laptop. Your bed should be for sleep, which means making it a work-free zone—no answering emails, social media posts or doing a quick bit of online banking in bed. I have personally made it my mission to charge my phone in the outlet in our bedroom ensuite so that it is away from my bedside table. I was terrible for doing some marketing, social media posts, checking my work schedule, bank account, etc before bed. This was a terrible habit and removing it was the first thing that I did to improve my sleep quality.
Let’s explore some suggestions for building a bedtime routine.
Prep your lunch, snacks, supper for the next day. Perhaps even prep your breakfast so that it is super easy to sit down and make sure you enjoy a healthy meal to start your day.
Take a shower/bath approximately 30-60 mins before bedtime- this will increase your basal temperature which preps your body to cool off and slip into a deep sleep once your head hits the pillow.
Get ready for bed (ie. Brush your teeth, wash your face, etc.)
Enjoy some light reading or journaling in your cozy spot in your home. My cozy spot is my nest chair in my soft lit living room with some soothing jazz music in the background. I surround myself with what brings me comfort. Warm soothing tea or golden milk, a cozy blanket, my tarot cards, and my evening journal. I may choose to read some fiction to allow my mind to slip away from the business of my day.
Perhaps this is a time that feels right for you to meditate or enjoy some restorative yoga. This is a great way to prep your body and make it aware that sleep is coming. Ahhh sleep…the glorious word that all parents crave.
Your room should be dark, clutter free, cool in temperature (a cool temperature helps set you up for success to fall asleep), and cozy. No tv. No phone. An eye mask and ear plugs can be super helpful to remove distraction.
Once you have snuggled up in bed, this is a perfect time to return to your breath. Notice the air entering in through your nose and gently moving out of your nose. Extend awareness to the gentle movement of your belly and ribs. Focus on letting muscle tension melt away. Extend compassion and gratitude to yourself… You did enough today. Embrace the good and let go of that ‘to do list’.
Balance
Ah yes, the ever-elusive phrase, work-home-life balance. Now this is a phrase that you most definitely need to extend compassion to yourself and to know that every single day is different. One day may be more of a work day and another may be more of a home day…either is fine! Don’t place high expectations on yourself to be a Rockstar in both lives in one day. That is unrealistic, and it truly sets us up for disappointment, frustration, and irritation towards ourselves and that is just not fair.
Establishing some boundaries by carving out some personal space outside of the work you do is crucial to maintaining a sense of self. Explore creativity and play! Let go of the rules, to do list, and the expectations that you place on yourself. What brings you joy….do that! Kids are so wonderful for this. They are great teachers for embracing the present and having fun. They keep us grounded and curious. If you are a parent and find that you are often saying, ‘there isn’t enough time in the day to play, or do nothing’, listen to this piece of advice closely… You need this the most…take a break, enjoy the life and people around you, you will never have today again.
Establish some boundaries at work. Schedule your day that provides you with the most successful opportunity to balance and juggle all of your hats. For example, as a business owner leading a team of integrative healthcare professionals, I also carry a busy part-time patient caseload. It is important to me that I dedicated my time and energy respectfully in all areas of my responsibilities. I have recently changed my treating hours to be in the mornings and my business operation responsibilities are then dedicated to the afternoon. This allows me to feel more productive and respectful of my time and energy. I encourage you to reflect on your day and see what job demands extend the most energy. Are there unproductive times in your day? Do you feel overwhelmed often in your day? Are there areas for improvement in time management, scheduling, and delegating? Once you have found solutions that work best for your learning and productivity style, discuss these with your manager and/or team to make changes that work the best with everyone. Work stress is definitely one of the leading causes of chronic fatigue and personal burnout. Take the time now to set healthy boundaries for you at work to prevent burning out!
For those of you who receive endless emails in a day, try to answer your emails at a chosen time of day. Perhaps you may choose to place a signature at the end of your emails that clearly states your boundary and the expectation that you have set for yourself. For example: “Thank you for your email. Due to the high volume of emails please expect a response in 2-3 business days respectfully. Your email is important to me and I will respond as soon as I am able. Have a lovely day.”
Stay social and embrace your community. Human beings are social creatures—we need regular social interaction to stay happy and sane, so be sure to schedule in regular down time with friends to stop yourself from getting into a funk. Take a look at what is going on in your community. Try something new. When you find yourself mindlessly scrolling through Facebook or Instagram, take this opportunity to scroll through your contacts and pick a friend whom you haven’t talked to in a while and check in. Your subconscious is telling you something when you are mindlessly scrolling…you are bored and in need of social interaction, so reach out to someone!
Say ‘no’ more often. Your time is precious and important to you. Do you find yourself giving and doing things more for others than you are for yourself? This may be a time to review and embrace the word ‘no’. The word ‘no’ is one of the most powerful tools in your arsenal when it comes to protecting your time and energy. Not all requests or opportunities are created equal and stretching yourself too thin in an attempt to accommodate every request that comes your way is a sure-fire way to make everyone happy except for yourself—and that’s if you manage to fulfil all of your obligations. Here is some valuable advice, whenever your inner people-pleaser gives you a hard time over saying no to someone, or you’re tempted to say yes to something because you feel too awkward about the alternative, try to remind yourself of what’s really on the line. Give yourself 12-24 hours to reflect before saying yes or no. Make it an active practice to say, ‘thank you for asking me, let me check my schedule and I will get back to you in a day.’ The opportunity cost of saying ‘yes’ when you really ought to say ‘no’ is time that could be spent doing something more beneficial for you. Perhaps filling your cup up first. Weighing up what you’re sacrificing in order to make room for superfluous requests can be pretty motivating. I encourage you to try this for one week and just watch. You truly will have more energy and more time to do the things you really want to do vs. always doing the things you feel you have to.
It is important to me that I end this blog by letting you all know that I truly actively practice these areas in my life daily. Some days are definitely better than others and many times I get lost in the business of the day to day ride of expectations that I place on myself. This is when I refer to my self-care routine and reflect on where I am lacking. I take the time to reflect and ask myself, ‘what does Kim need right now’. I take the time to listen and I choose to make changes that places me on a path of health and wellness. It is important to me that I listen to my body, mind, and spirit and follow my values daily. An important value within my life is extending and practicing kindness to myself and others. I practice gratitude and embrace positivity and I encourage those around me to explore this as well. I believe that my purpose in life is to help people live a healthy lifestyle and to promote self-care. We get one body in a lifetime. Be kind to it.
With grace,
Kim Deschamps
Inspired by Otegha Uhwagha’s Little Black Book: A Toolkit for Working Women.
Kim Deschamps
Physiotherapist
Pelvic Health Physiotherapist
Medical Yoga Therapist
