Setting Up Support For When the Baby Is Born
By Janelle Turk
Registered Nurse | Oct 23, 2023
I know a few things to be true. One is that it is virtually impossible to know how you will feel about being a new mom until you bring that baby home. Two is that you should always ask for help when you need it.
I’m going to say that again because so many women try to go it alone and think they should be able to do everything. Setting those expectations on yourself can lead to fatigue, exhaustion, and burnout. You have family, friends, and a whole community just waiting to offer support - so take advantage of them.
You should always ask for help when you need it.
Since you may not know what kind of help you’ll need, let’s talk about what you can do in advance to set yourself up for support.
For postpartum support, there are a few things you’ll want to consider ahead of time that will go a long way in keeping your stress levels down and your comfort level up.
Someone to show you the way! Every baby is different, and every mom is different, but it can be overwhelming in those first few days to figure it all out and to trust that you’re doing the right thing. If you have a close family member or friend with baby experience, plan to have them visit daily if possible in the first week to give you a hand and reassure you when you doubt your parenting ability.
If you don’t have a baby whisperer in your trusted circle, or if you prefer taking advice from professionals, consider hiring a postpartum doula or a Registered nurse. Their job is to come to your home and guide you through the early days - with accurate and practical information on things like feeding schedules, recovery from birth, bonding and soothing, sleeping, bathing, and more.
One thing I like to prepare new mothers for is a common phenomenon where lots of people visit in the first few days - it’s like a party sometimes in the hospital! - but once you settle in, there are fewer visitors. Many women are at risk of feeling lonely, isolated, and overwhelmed. This is where a robust network of support can really lift you up - so start setting that up now.
(The baby blues generally resolve within 1-2 weeks on their own. But if you believe you are experiencing postpartum depression or postpartum psychosis, please call a mental health professional immediately.)
Make a list of people you trust, whose company you enjoy, and who you feel most comfortable around. These are the people who will bring you meals (and may even start a meal train), hold the baby while you take a shower, or go for a nice, slow walk around the block with you as you recover.
When someone asks you what you need, BE HONEST. Ask them to bring dinner over (I cannot overstate how lovely it feels when - as a new mom - people bring food). Ask them to help you get thank you notes or birth announcements out. Ask them to swing by the store to get you whatever it is that you might need that day.
The thing that I want you to remember is that people want to help. They really do. You're doing them a favor by sending them on a mission. It makes us feel valued and important to be needed by the people we love. Think about the times when you’ve been able to assist someone you care about - and the good feelings that linger for hours afterwards.
So don’t wait until after the baby is born or you’re so tired you can’t think straight. Let your people know they’re on your team and that you will be reaching out to share your needs.
Also, think about some professional services that might be helpful. You can line up someone to clean your house, mow the lawn, or plow your driveway when it snows. Anything you can do now to make your life easier then, is a win.
You can also reach beyond family and friends to find community. Think about what your body will need. Be sure to schedule your postpartum checkups and consider our GrowCo Postpartum Mama on-demand courses that help you rehabilitate your body after birth.
If you’re nervous about becoming a first-time mom - or second/third/fourth time mom - take comfort in the fact that so many people are rooting for you. Family, friends, coworkers, your parenting partner, and all of us here at Holistic Physiotherapy & Wellness.
You’ve got this, mama. But you don’t have to ‘got this’ alone!
Kim Deschamps
MPT, BKin, PYT, BDN